How dare you?
How dare you?
How dare you speak that way? What if somebody heard you? Everyone thinks you are such a nice person. What if they heard that?
What if we could hear how people “speak” to themselves? Would we be shocked? We hear instead, “This is probably wrong, but . . . “”Why do I even try?” “”I couldn’t ever do that.” We see nervousness, stage-fright even without the stage.
But what is being said, inside? It’s worse: “You stupid ___.” “Why would they want to hear what I have to say?” “That’s dumb. I am so dumb.” “I should have known better.” “I can’t do anything right!” “I’m nothing but a ___.” We all need better self-talk.
Would you?
Just stop. Would you ever say that to someone else? Of course not. You should remind yourself that’s no way to speak to someone. Then, what would you say to a friend in the same situation. Tell yourself that. It is awkward and not easy to break bad habits, but eventually your self-talk will improve and you will be more relaxed. And worrying about what people are thinking about you? . . . . They aren’t. They are wrapped up in themselves and their own lives. I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. Even friends and family aren’t usually paying attention to you. How much are you paying attention to them? Just let it go,
Me
I had a rough childhood, many dysfunctional relationships, stress and trauma. I had no boundaries, no sense of having rights. I was treating myself horribly for many years, even when no one else was. Eventually I started thinking, “So what would I say to someone else in this situation?” Now say that to myself. And, “Would I ever say that to someone else?” I don’t need those extra steps anymore for better self-talk. I am kinder to myself and I am so comfortable in my own skin. I don’t worry about what others think and I rarely get nervous anymore. It is awkward at first to think in different ways, but when it becomes habit, the decrease in anxiety is amazing! So start noticing what you say to yourself, and if you’d never say it to someone else, apologize and replace it with what you’d say to someone else in the same situation. The transformation will be worth it! I promise.
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